Post by AnonymousAnnaXOXO on Feb 24, 2017 17:21:55 GMT
RebootNation is a great place with great partners. I know that their forum has been attacked by trolls and it's been made to sometimes feel "unsafe" emotionally from the trolls. But even so, there have been some great posts that I know have really helped me through my journey through recovery.
These posts were very influential in my recovery and I thought I would share them here as a resource. These posts opened my mind, made me have "aha" monents, and made me feel understood. There were many times these women would write down things that I was exactly thinking. I hope these posts are helpeful through out everyone's individual recovery.
I'm through with that place because of the sustained campaign of trolling. The partner's section is no longer a safe space for partners of PAs to express their feelings and concerns openly. The women on that forum are amazing. They've been through a lot and shared their experiences so openly, really bared their souls at times. Everyone was so supportive of each other. The only times there was any trouble was when the troll that kept coming back. Very occasionally there was a misunderstanding with a male porn addict but mostly these were minor disagreements that could be overcome, as we were ultimately all working towards the same goals. Unlike the idiot troll whose intention was to disrupt.
Last year after the first trolling episode I put forward the idea of a private section for partners but the board admin didn't support it. It would only be for partners who were genuine. Most partners will tell their story, their relationship history, how long the porn behavior had been going on, their personal feelings, their partner's commitment (or lack of) to quitting. For someone to sign up and immediately start criticising the partners of PAs is not the usual pattern, not for a PA, not for a partner of a PA. It is easy to spot a fake when their style is so atypical. But they said you couldn't stop a troll from joining the private section. I don't agree. You don't let anyone in until they appear genuine and as soon as they start acting up, being critical of partners in the form of personal attacks, then you boot them out.
But anyway, they didn't agree to a private section just for partners.
The other load of crap that they liked to spread was that addicts weren't made welcome. The problem with one or two of them was they would jump in trying to mansplain the dopamine theories like we didn't know. I read just about everything on YBOP. I've got about 10 books on my Kindle about porn and sex addiction and I've read every one. I've spent countless hours listening to my partner about his history, his childhood, the things that went on in his family. I've done a lot work on my own recovery. I've had counselling and I've had CBT for the depression I went into after all that I had to deal with after d day. It's all there in my posts. I've done a lot of work on my recovery. My partner has worked on his recovery and jointly we have rebuilt our relationship. So, I have been successful in overcoming everything I've been through and I'm not going to have some troll saying otherwise. I am proud of my partner and proud of myself and I'm not going to let some little inadequate piece of **** take that away. When I wake up tomorrow I KNOW that my life is continuing to change for the better. But he'll still be an idiot.
Yeah, it's a shame about RN. But maybe it's time to move on. The partner's section was always like a little concession anyway. Partners have never been RN's priority anyway. It's good that they created the section but we're effectively sitting targets for people who will try and mock and bully etc. I mean the troll on his "men's rights" forum spoke of "so-called porn addiction" so obviously he doesn't believe that porn can be addictive, and then called us "entitled princesses" on RN. And did RN moderate him after he referred to partners of PAs as "entitled princesses"? No. Nothing.
Perhaps it is time for me to move on. I've been through having my life turned upside down through this porn addiction crap but I have survived. I'm smarter. I'm more assertive. I'm more self confident. My partner is in love with me. I'm in love with him. We communicate better than we did before. We've both come a long way. Do I want to jump into the toxic stew that is RN? No. I'm through with that place.
Post by AnonymousAnnaXOXO on Feb 28, 2017 0:57:54 GMT
Oh, Erin, I didn't realize you were on RN, what was your username? I agree that there needs to be moderation and that it can be done. I am going to do my best, along with moderators on this forum, to keep it safe, secure, and a safe place to share. It's true some addicts did try to explain the dopamine thing. Some addicts, however, did give very good responses.
Yeah, that troll said some really ridiculous and mean things. I couldn't believe he would say that we were "entitled princesses" that's just freaking stupid.
I am so glad to see that you have done so well in your recovery as well as recover your relationship. I only hope to get there one day. I know a lot of us partners do everything we can to try to understand the addiction, why and how it happened, and try to understand why the addiction "changed" our partners into someone we didn't recognize. I can say that with my partner in recovery I am enjoying the person he is turning into. I hope that everyone here can support each other and encourage each other in our recoveries (both in our individual and relationship recovery).
I'm not sure that guy is the same troll, but maybe he is. He's posted in some other threads not in the partner section and he's not trolling in those, but then perhaps that is his new way of trying to troll, by looking more genuine. Who knows.
I reckon it's him and I think he's trying a different tactic by trying together some male porn addict 'supporters' and then it will be "the partners section is terrible, *some* of them "shame" addicts, how awful, they don't support their partners, they're terrible and ... they're "feminists" who hate men and scream rape all the time and take away our rights, yada yada.
I know it's me he's after, as I've been more outspoken and more critical of the porn industry, about sexism and harassment. I've been open about my sexual assault at a young age, I've been open about four attempted rapes as a young woman. Standing up for myself and taking a stance about issues that affect real women in the real world is obviously some kind of challenge for him. Someone to take down. But he can get to **** for all I care. I speak from a position of strength and experience. He's coming from a position of negativity and threat. Everything that little fool can throw at me is meaningless. He's just a huge time waste and time is a valuable commodity, too precious to waste on an idiot like him. He will fool some of the people some of the time, but he doesn't fool me.
I guessed who you were when you posted the vagina documentary
It's sad cos he's harming the men on that site as well, especially if goes garnering their support first to then attack. Most of them have real messed up ideas about how relationships work they need any bad advice heaped on top by a woman hater.