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by tonystrak

I could ramble on and will in future posts if it helps me/anybody!

I've decided to give it up and asked my dealer not to contact me, he just did saying he has very nice new stuff so instead of replying to him I've decided to write this post and gonna keep a journal of my progress if that's cool with everyone!

I was once a very popular person and everyone admired my wit and humour and so on, fast forward 15 years or so and weed has slowly ripped my soul out of me and I can't go on like this anymore!

I had a great network of friends and now I feel like I haven't a friend in the world and I know deep down it's because of weed!

It's exciting because I've never known myself as an adult if you get me, I really want to discover myself and be the best I can be,! I've tried a few times but never get past a few days but am more determined this time.

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by tonystrak
The main issues I have are a lack of emotion (inability to laugh/cry), an inability to form a social/emotional connection with a fellow human being , which perpetuates my minor social anxiety, and a persistent depression (feeling flat and apathetic).

Initially I thought I was becoming schizophrenic, as the above symptoms are typical of the so called negative symptoms associated with schizophrenia, however these symptoms haven't got worse over time, and I have thankfully remained very much in touch with reality.

Anyways, I actually did quit for 5 months, from July 17th 2015 - January 8th 2016. I can definitely say there were small improvements, but nothing major. The first 3 months, there was barely any improvements and I can remember thinking that if I was the same after many years I would commit suicide, however by the 4-5th month, I started to enjoy playing video games again among other stuff.

Unfortunately, I started smoking again (January 8th). Even though I started smoking daily till quite recent, I noticed the persistent positive effects of my previous abstinence (these positives slowly diminished over time).

I kept smoking because I felt like I did more work while i was high. (I've been a university student for the last 3 years, and I just recently graduated with a first-class honours in biomedical science while smoking weed everyday).

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