My life's been pretty bloody gloomy lately. I'm nearly eighteen and illiterate in many areas of formal education, with no teachers beyond myself to rely on, and even then I'm an awful educator. (Hence the illiteracy.) I spend a good deal of my day feeling hopeless and lazy, with occasional bouts of deep despair, and thus take to the internet constantly in order to forget my problems, which, ironically, only guarantees I'm going to suffer more from them.
I've spent most of my life wanting nothing more than to be free of my home, but my lack of education (and any practical skills or talents) is making setting out into the world an increasingly implausible option, and if I have to spend more than two additional years in this trash-heap I am certain I'll contract depression for sure.
I'm currently enrolled in an SAT prep class, and understand nothing. I am going to be taking the SAT at the course's conclusion, and I will fail. Unless I'm mistaken, that's going to mark the point my chance for a satisfying life ends, so naturally I'm not looking forward to it.
I would very much like to not be alive sometimes, but other times I feel perfectly normal, so I'm not sure if I'm actually depressed or if I've just got an overblown self-defeatist mentality.